Pro Preggo Tip

If you have a garbage disposal, vomit into the sick instead of your toilet. You get to stand up and avoid unfortunate vomit splashback.

You’re welcome.

I Haven’t Posted Because I’m Sleeping…

Baby’s first pic!

…except at night, when I’m peeing.

10 weeks. I’m tired and baby doesn’t seem to like food (which is weird…cuz I’ve always liked food). Any time I eat, which isn’t often, I feel painfully, uncomfortably full, like I’ve just inhaled a double Thanksgiving dinner.

Back when I could still eat, this was my only “weird” craving: sausage pizza covered with avocado. I thought it perfectly normal. And delicious.

Still terrified of miscarriage. In fact, I got that sonogram pic a little ahead of schedule because I was out at a bar with friends, experienced some spotting, and thought it was the end of the world. In my defense, spotting is a very vague term. It didn’t seem like spotting. It seemed like the end of the world.

A handful of people know about my pregnancy now, but not everyone. I’m still walking around with a strawberry-sized secret.

Right now I’m trying to make choices on genetic testing. Doc seems ambivalent about it.

Today was graduation at the high school where I work. I realized in about 18 years, my baby will graduate, and I started crying.

I am a constant joy to be around.

Tough Nights

I think night is the hardest time to be single and pregnant.

You don’t feel well (you never feel well), but there’s no one to pamper and encourage you.

You’re anxious (you’re always anxious) with no one to reassure you. Except you’re old friend Google, who truly causes more problems than he solves.

You’re alone. You feel alone. Especially at 7 weeks, when you’re still keeping this massive secret from almost everyone.

And the nights are so long and uncomfortable. You keep waking up hot. You always need to pee.

Work in Progress (Five Weeks)

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What is my life like right now?

Heartburn, mostly. Worry. Trying to eat all the nutrients when more often I don’t want to eat at all. And a constant looping thought of “OMG, I’m pregnant, I need to tell EVERYONE.”

I have not told everyone.

A few friends. One of my sisters (only because I haven’t seen the other one in person yet) and my parents. I tried to go out to dinner with just my parents, but then my brother-in-law showed up (my sister is out of town) so I had to play things cool until he left. I gave them each a rocks glass: one reads “Grandma’s Sippy Cup” and the other “Grandpa’s Sippy Cup.” Turns out, my mom’s reaction was exactly what I was waiting for to make this all seem real. More real. She hugged me multiple times and cried, and I cried a bit, and then we sat and talked about my plans for an hour or so.

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“Grandma’s Sippy Cup” and “Grandpa’s Sippy Cup”

I also got to have a fun, totally unplanned reveal when a friend told me she was pregnant and due at the end of October, so I had to tell her that I am pregnant too! Then we went to catch some closing deals at Babies R’ Us…mostly we just walked around holding up every single item of clothing and cooing over how cute it was.

On Sunday I will finally see my other sister and tell her and I’ll see my brother-in-law and he’ll get to know. After that, I just have to struggle to keep quiet with everything until the traditional twelve weeks, I guess. We’ll see. I’ve never been good at keeping secrets.

In the meantime, I keep taking my basal body temperature and pregnancy tests. Not every day on the tests anymore (I did consistently for the first few). Every couple of days. I am terrified that one day I will take the test and no line will show up and the pregnancy will be over as quickly and surprisingly as it began.

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That line is quite dark now…

If you, like me, are terrified and keep thinking every little downstairs twinge is a miscarriage, this site is very helpful.

I went to a baby shower yesterday, and while I still find them annoying (but I’m totally having one- bring meĀ allllll the gifts), it was fun to walk around with my smug little secret.