What is my life like right now?

Heartburn, mostly. Worry. Trying to eat all the nutrients when more often I don’t want to eat at all. And a constant looping thought of “OMG, I’m pregnant, I need to tell EVERYONE.”

I have not told everyone.

A few friends. One of my sisters (only because I haven’t seen the other one in person yet) and my parents. I tried to go out to dinner with just my parents, but then my brother-in-law showed up (my sister is out of town) so I had to play things cool until he left. I gave them each a rocks glass: one reads “Grandma’s Sippy Cup” and the other “Grandpa’s Sippy Cup.” Turns out, my mom’s reaction was exactly what I was waiting for to make this all seem real. More real. She hugged me multiple times and cried, and I cried a bit, and then we sat and talked about my plans for an hour or so.

“Grandma’s Sippy Cup” and “Grandpa’s Sippy Cup”

I also got to have a fun, totally unplanned reveal when a friend told me she was pregnant and due at the end of October, so I had to tell her that I am pregnant too! Then we went to catch some closing deals at Babies R’ Us…mostly we just walked around holding up every single item of clothing and cooing over how cute it was.

On Sunday I will finally see my other sister and tell her and I’ll see my brother-in-law and he’ll get to know. After that, I just have to struggle to keep quiet with everything until the traditional twelve weeks, I guess. We’ll see. I’ve never been good at keeping secrets.

In the meantime, I keep taking my basal body temperature and pregnancy tests. Not every day on the tests anymore (I did consistently for the first few). Every couple of days. I am terrified that one day I will take the test and no line will show up and the pregnancy will be over as quickly and surprisingly as it began.

That line is quite dark now…

If you, like me, are terrified and keep thinking every little downstairs twinge is a miscarriage, this site is very helpful.

I went to a baby shower yesterday, and while I still find them annoying (but I’m totally having one- bring me allllll the gifts), it was fun to walk around with my smug little secret.

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