1. Start the timer. I have five minutes.
  2. Clean pee from anywhere it might have dropped or splashed during the OPK test. (OPK is short for Ovulation Predictor Kit. I use Wondfo, mostly because it’s cheap and you can get it on Amazon– though I of course read some reviews first.
  3. Check my facebook, instagram, email, texts, and any other sites I can think of.
  4. Look for the second purple line. The second The Waiting Gamepurple line is the winner.
  5. Think about that blog I wanted to start, in case anyone else feels as lost in all of this as I do.
  6. Check my vaginal fluid/cervical mucus and my cervix for height and firmness. I know I’m looking for that gold star eggwhite consistency that signalizes ovulation (if you’re squeamish about this, you’ll get over it soon enough and find yourself thinking that eggwhite consistency is appropriate dinner table talk, since it is all you think about all the time). I’m still no good at monitoring my cervix.
  7. Look for that little purple line again.
  8. Gaze around the bathroom and think vaguely about how if I used this ten minutes a day to clean (five minutes in the morning and five at night during peak time), I would always have a clean bathroom, at least during this point in my cycle.
  9. Worry that I will never ovulate again. That all passed times have been a fluke, that I am too old, that I have past my prime, and that I am carrying around two dried husks where my ovaries used to be.
  10. When the time’s up, check for that line again. Repeat, repeat, repeat.


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